Always the outsider

I think it's been this way for as long as I can remember. People make plans around me and I'm just standing there like some entitled loser waiting to be invited. Which is wrong. People can have plans. People can choose not to invite me. They're having fun on their own terms, and inviting people who they want to be there. Yet my dumbass acts all pissy and hurt when I'm not invited along. But to be fair; it'd be best if I wasn't invited along for multiple reasons. Biggest reason being I'm awkward as hell, and I'm not a liked presence. I'm tolerated. And I really, really, don't want to be the recipient of  "oh, you can come too, I guess." because that would not be fair to the other person. I don't want them to feel like they have to invite me to save face. I totally and completely understand if they don't want me along. They are valid for thinking that way. I'm just not a pleasant person to be around, and I'd hate myself for making a situation or gathering awkward or less fun for anyone. Yeah, my stupid self immediately wants to get all crybaby about it, but the logical part of my brain has to keep reminding me that it's better to be not invited than to be invited and make the situation worse

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