I'm essentially blacklisted

I need to come to terms with it; the TWRP fandom and a good portion of people I called friends have blacklisted me. In stream chat, everyone loves on each other when they donate. When I do so, chat goes quiet. Everyone stops talking. But when the next person donates, everyone goes back to loving each other.

When I try to reach out, I get left on read, less than enthusiastic responses, or brushed off. As someone who has been ignored, excluded, and abandoned all my life; this hurts. I should be used to it by now. Every relationship I have is on a timer, and they end eventually. But it still hurts so bad.

All I want to know is why. What did I do? What was the straw that broke the camel's back? I just need a straightforward answer. I want to know. I want to learn from my mistake. I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I'm crying and losing sleep. My rejection sensitivity is immense, and it's killing me inside.

Maybe it's a sign. I'll always be left behind. I'll always be abandoned. I'll always make the kindest and most patient people angry and leave me. There's no point in trying.

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