Extended Family stuff

I used to be really close with my cousins when we were younger. We all played, wanted to spend as much time together as possible, and begged our parents for sleepovers or to stay over just a little bit longer. I was always so excited to see my cousins. As we grew older, we grew more apart. But all my cousins grew closer to one another. They're less like cousins to each other and more like siblings. They love each other so much and so deeply. They're in each other's wedding parties, naming children after one another, and always inviting each other to their kids' birthday parties.

But I'm just...there.

I'm a distant cousin. I'm barely recognized, hardly acknowledged, and always forgotten. I post on social media that I feel out of place/annoying to my extended family, and they all say they love me. But do they like me? The answer is a resounding "no". The evidence is there. I can read the room.

I remember one cousin quickly closing the door behind me at a family gathering when I left the room. I remember when one of my cousins (who is a church speaker) called me out during service. I remember when I hid in a room at our Christmas eve get together, nobody noticed. One of my cousins did come into the room, but I was ignored.

I wish I could be close with them. But the sentiment isn't returned. I'm not wanted or welcome in my extended family.


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