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Showing posts from August, 2020

Faked it til I made it

 I was told you can spend anywhere from three days to a couple weeks at a mental health hospital for suicidal ideation and such. I had my reservations once I arrived there. I was already nervous and anxious. I'd never done it before. I was wondering what the other patients and caretakers thought of me being there. I guess they never really had an opinion. I'm not that interesting for others to think about what I'm doing in a place at any given time. It’s conceited of me to even think so. They mentioned group therapy sessions when I first checked in. I thought it would be what it said on the tin: speaking with someone qualified and sharing our thoughts and experiences. But it was more of a recreational thing. We colored, played board games, listened to music the activity worker brought in, played cards, etc. There was never truly a therapy session with a licensed therapist. I think the closest we got was talking to the psychiatric doctor for about 5 minutes before he left to...

Having to End a Friendship

 I honestly should have ended it long ago. But I kept keeping on in hopes that they would change. After all, they;'ve both said it themselves; I'm like a sibling to them, and their children view me as part of the family, as I've been watching them, caring for them, and loving them ever since they both were babies. This friendship is almost 5-6 years in the making. When we first met, we bonded over geeky stuff. When the mom was about to have her baby, I watched the other one while she and her husband went to the hospital. When my mental health began to take a turn for the worse and resulted and self destructive tendencies, they both opened up about their own mental illnesses. They even spent the night at my house to check in on me when I had a breakdown and ran from their car when they dropped me off. The two of them were the reason I started to be more open about my mental health, and the reason I started to seek help. It was like that for a while. We were all chill. But th...

A diary of sorts? Who knows

 Decided to make an electronic journal to get my thoughts out. So here it is!